Description
Oh, my precious creamy cheese cupcake! Gollum loves it, yesss, he does! Soft and tempting, just like the precious, it is. Gollum’s stomach growls, wants it, but the precious cake, it’s a dangerous thing, oh yes, precious. Fat and sugar, oh no, not good for Gollum’s figure. The cupcake, it whispers, promises delights, but Gollum knows, oh yes, knows the sneaky ways of such treats.
It’s tricksy, yes it is, leading us astray with its creamy swirls. The scent, it’s like an enchantment, wrapping around Gollum’s senses, making his mouth water like a waterfall in the caves. The creamy cheese, it’s like a river of yumminess, flowing smooth and treacherous, trying to take Gollum away from all his senses. But Gollum won’t give in, no, precious, he won’t! The cupcake, it’s there, sitting, waiting, mocking Gollum.
The fingers twitch, they do, wanting to snatch the precious cupcake, but we can’t, no, we mustn’t! It’s a battle, it is, between Gollum’s wants and Gollum’s fears. And then, oh then, the first bite! Creaminess fills our mouth, flavors dance like hobbits having a party, and for a moment, just a moment, Gollum forgets everything else. But then, oh the guilt, the shame, it crashes upon Gollum like a cave-in.
We’ve been tricked, we have, and Gollum curses the precious cupcake. The last crumbs disappear, and Gollum’s heart sinks.
The precious cake, it’s won, it’s taken its toll on Gollum’s willpower. But Gollum isn’t defeated forever, no, not by a long shot. Next time, oh yes, next time, Gollum will be stronger, smarter, and he won’t let the creamy cheese cupcake get the best of him again. No more, precious, no more! Gollum won’t be fooled twice. The creamy cheese cupcake might be tricksy, but Gollum’s tricksiness is even tricksier!
Bunbury Students –
Gordon Ramsay’s review, circa 2023:
Bloody hell, what a bloody mess we’ve got here! Look at these cream cheese cupcakes, they’re a disgrace to the world of baking! In the universe of confectionery delights, these sorry excuses for cupcakes are dragging the art of baking through the bloody gutter!
I mean, really, who the hell thought it was a brilliant idea to present these undercooked, half-baked monstrosities?! It’s like someone’s playing a cruel joke on my taste buds! I can practically hear these cupcakes crying out for salvation, for a moment in the oven that could’ve saved them from this culinary catastrophe!
And what’s this rubbish about a “captivating twist” with cream cheese? Twist my arse! There’s no saving grace when these cupcakes are so undercooked that even a novice cook could spot the mistake from a mile away! The cream cheese infusion? Oh, it’s there alright, but it’s surrounded by raw, uncooked batter that’s just begging for a proper baking!
The only “symphony of flavors” these cupcakes are producing is the sound of my frustration reaching a boiling point! And that “sensorial experience” you’re talking about? Trust me, I can sense the disappointment seeping from these cupcakes like a soggy sponge!
As for that “enchanting aroma,” all I can bloody well smell is the stench of incompetence! The allure you speak of is a cruel trick, luring us into thinking that these cupcakes might actually be worth a bite. But what do we get? A cupcake that’s as raw as a rookie chef’s first attempt at a steak!
And don’t even get me started on that so-called “fluffy cream cheese frosting”! Fluffy? More like flimsy and pathetic! It’s like trying to put a band-aid on a gunshot wound—it’s not going to fix the disaster that’s already unfolded!
Bunbury Students –
Saul Goodman, circa 2023:
These cupcakes aren’t just a treat, they’re a statement. When you show up with a box of these babies, you’re sending a message that you know how to indulge in life’s finer pleasures. Whether it’s a celebration or just a little self-pampering, these cupcakes are the way to go.
Bunbury Students –
Hulk, circa 2023:
HULK NOT GOOD WITH WORDS, BUT HULK TRY! CREAMY CHEESE CUPCAKES ARE LIKE… AMAZING TREAT! FIRST, CREAMY CHEESE GET MIXED INTO BATTER. BATTER BE LIKE HULK’S STRONG MUSCLES, AND CREAMY CHEESE MAKE IT ALL MOIST AND TASTY, JUST LIKE HULK’S FAVORITE SNACK.
THEN, TOP OF CUPCAKE GET COVERED WITH MORE CREAMY CHEESE STUFF. IT’S SOFT AND FLUFFY, LIKE HULK’S PILLOW, BUT BETTER ‘CAUSE YOU CAN EAT IT! CUPCAKES LOOK SO GOOD, HULK WANT TO SMASH THEM INTO MOUTH RIGHT NOW!
CUPCAKES NOT JUST FOOD, THEY’RE CELEBRATION! HULK IMAGINE PARTY WHERE EVERYONE EAT THESE CREAMY CHEESE CUPCAKES AND BE HAPPY, JUST LIKE WHEN HULK SMASH BAD GUYS. EACH BITE LIKE A LITTLE PARTY IN HULK’S MOUTH!
IF YOU WANT EVEN MORE EXCITEMENT, THERE’S STRAWBERRY CREAM CHEESE FROSTING. IT’S LIKE CREAMY CHEESE PLUS SWEET STRAWBERRY FRIEND. THEY MIX TOGETHER AND MAKE FLAVOR EXPLOSION, JUST LIKE WHEN HULK PUNCH THINGS!
SO, NEXT TIME YOU NEED TREAT, GO FOR CREAMY CHEESE CUPCAKES. THEY TASTE LIKE HAPPINESS AND MAKE HULK’S TUMMY SMILE. HULK THINK THEY’RE INCREDIBLE, AND HULK KNOW YOU WILL TOO! HULK HUNGRY NOW, WHERE CUPCAKES?